Savannah "mugging" great read

carpetreef75

Premium member
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST

PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last.

Date: 2019,18th, 1:43 am. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled

the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when

I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.

She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head .. isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of

what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.

[That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the

windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning

President Trump as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution

is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen

to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Semper fi,

Alex
 

carpetreef75

Premium member
So Saw D@nkey goes in for a check-up. After his exam the doctor said to the to the old fella, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
After examining the old man's elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. But the doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time.Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old bastard, she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in August, and the second time is in January...".

LOL
 
Top